When???

When will the afternoon cravings stop?  When will I not want to eat even though I'm not hungry.  It's the 3:00 monster visiting me everyday and I don't know how to make it go away.  Somedays the cravings win and other days I win.  But I want to always win.  When the cravings win it's not like I feel better.  I usually feel worse because I gave in.  I'm not going to keep losing weight if I keep giving into these cravings.  I know they are never going to completely stop.  So I'm going to have to be stronger than the cravings.  This weight loss thing is hard work.  I've been stalled since we left for vacation over a month ago.  I'll do good for a few days but then go back to old habits.   I don't know why I can't get my head in the game for good.  This back and forth is so hard for me emotionally.  I have the end picture in my head - I just wish it was enough.

A New Beginning

“Don’t let a lapse turn into a collapse.”  I read this quote on another blog and it fits for me right now.  Just because I haven't been diligent in my eating habits the past few weeks doesn't mean that this journey has ended.  The roll down the hill started before vacation and hasn't yet ended.   Today I'm starting fresh.  I can envision my goal and what that looks like.  I want this so badly and so I'm making it a point to envision what I will look like at my goal weight whenever I want to make a bad food choice.    

I'll text people for support like my wonderful sister who helped me today by telling me that if I cave and get the snickers from the vending machine my work out tonight will only be to work off the snickers.  I wanted more than that from my workout.  So I stayed strong like she told me to be.  It's not easy but I can do this! 

I'll count on my hubby to hold me accountable.  I stubbed my pinky toe tonight and tore part of the nail off.  It hurt so bad and was bleeding.  I cleaned it up but it hurt when I put my tennis shoes on to go work out.  I was tempted to not go at all but Hubby said to go and at least do some of the weight machines if I wasn't up to the cardio machines.  Well I tried and ended up doing 10 min on the stair climber and 30 min on the elliptical and then used the weight machines working my legs!  Go me!!!

On Sunday I signed up for a membership at the gym.  I’m really excited about this.  I miss going to the gym.  I want to have the motivation to workout at home but I just can't keep it up.  I seemed to be much better about going to the gym and working out before getting pregnant with Cole so I'm hoping that's still the case.  Plus this gym has an outdoor pool and they gave us 8 free family passes to use at the pool this summer!  I did my first workout with my friend Stacey on Sunday night and my abs and arms are so sore!  Workout # 2 is tonight! 

My weight loss goal is to lose 25 more lbs by the kids birthdays in September.  I know I can do this.  It took me 4 1/2 months to lose the first 25 and I know I can do another 25 in less than that if I get my mind in the game.  I need my friends and family to hold me accountable.  Sunday afternoon after visiting the gym and getting the tour Jared suggested getting ice cream and I turned him down!  And he was proud of me!  Some days are going to be harder than others but the hard days can't stop me from meeting my ultimate goal. 

In the past 3 weeks I've gained some weight back.  So my fresh start is at 189 lbs.  Here I go!!!   

Half Way There

As of today I've lost 25 lbs!  I'm so excited about this.  I wish it was more.  It probably would be if I could keep the motivation to work out more than once or twice a week.  But I'm using sleep deprivation as an excuse and I'm sticking to that.  But this is half way to my goal of 50 lbs!  I'm thinking by the end of summer I can be there!  Just in time for the temptations of the holiday's.  Ugh. 

I've got the food thing under control for the most part.  I don't deny myself of anything completely.  My portion control has gotten way better!   I'm eating a lot  more veggies than I used to and a lot less carbs!  Tonight we're going to try spaghetti squash.  Wish me luck! 

Discipline

I was reading this girls post from when she was first starting her weight loss journey and she posted this bible verse.  I'm struggling with the discipline and it fits so perfectly to how I'm feeling right now. 

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, 

it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have 

been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Weekly Review (9)

I did it!  Yesterday morning I got up at 5:00AM and worked out.   I'm doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred.  I'm not doing it everyday, but I'm aiming for at least 5 days a week!  This morning was another story after a rough night last night with a hurt dog who wouldn't stop whining and a baby boy who woke up screaming 3 times during the night.  Tomorrow is another day, just can't get defeated by the days that I don't work out or do well on the diet.


Friday and Saturday were not good food days for me but the rest of the week has been and I still lost weight even with a couple of bad days.  This week I'm trying to do a shake for breakfast and lunch to get back into the swing of things.  Day 3 and so far so good.  I usually eat a small snack with my lunch shake, either a handful of nuts or 2 cheese sticks.  I need to have the sensation of eating actual food or I go crazy!  Totally a mind over matter thing and maybe someday I'll over come that. 


Weekly Weigh In: 291 (down 23 lbs, so close to being under 290!)

Weekly Review

I had a great week over all last week!  My food choices over the weekend weren't all that great but I started out making good choices again yesterday and am feeling good! 

Last weekend I was able to run around the yard with Caitlyn and didn't feel like I was going to die!  It felt so good and the smile on her face was all the motivation that I need to keep on this journey and keep the weight coming off.  Making the right choices, exercising and getting healthy is what I'm focusing on. 

Saturday I ran / walked my first 5K!  I finished the race and I wasn't last!  I am so proud of myself for doing this.  I felt like I was going to die afterwards but I would try to do another one in the future.  Part of the problem was that part of the race went over a pedestrian bridge over the river and then back.  On the way back it was super windy and I could feel the bridge swaying slightly, and the river was rippling underneath us and it was making me sick.  I thought I was going to throw up over the side of the bridge!  I tried focusing on the building in front of me but it wasn't working.  I felt slightly sick and got a headache the rest of the night. 

Last night I started the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video.  There are 3 20 min workouts on the dvd.  I can do 20 min after the kids go to bed and hopefully with all the nice weather do a lot of walking / running as well to supplement!  The other night I was watching tv and got sucked into watching a Jillian Michael's infomercial for her Body Revolution program.  I decided to do the 30 Day Shred first and if I liked it and saw results I'd splurge and order that program.  It's a 90 day program with 15 dvd's and meal planning and 30 day trial to her website.  We'll see....I can be such a sucker when it comes to infomercials! 

Weekly Weigh In: 193 (I lost a lb even with the bad weekend food wise!) 

Imagine

I've been feeling some tingling in my stomach and side.  I like to imagine it's my fat cells shrinking down to nothing.  I also like to imagine they are screaming like the mucus globs on the mucinex commercial as they shrink to nothing!  These thoughts make me smile! 

Only 2 more days until my race!  I'm really excited about this!